Highs and Lows
Sometimes the greatest things happen (even very small things) and I am happy, or reminded to be happy. I lose it so quickly, though. Why is that? Why should some small, dumb thing have the power to make me forget some great, wonderful thing?
Happiness is so tricky. In Brideshead Revisited, the characters become happy by giving up the parts of life that seem to promise them happiness originally--marriage, status, career, romance, art. Those can all be good things. I can't really imagine giving them up. Is that bad? Should I be able to imagine that?
Sometimes, I have such happy moments relating to my schoolwork, and I can't even believe how happy I am that this gets to be my job. Then, I am afraid that I love it too much because it's hard to think of willingly giving it up. Other times, school causes the most worry and distress--and maybe that is related to how much I love it, because I worry that something will make it go away.
The simple life, as Sebastian chooses in the monastery, is actually quite appealing when I idealize it. But I can't choose it just to escape from life--can I? Being in the competitive public sphere is difficult. I want to live a retired, quiet life, but still do the work that makes me happy. I wish I could have it both ways--do the schoolwork without the competition.
Happiness is so tricky. In Brideshead Revisited, the characters become happy by giving up the parts of life that seem to promise them happiness originally--marriage, status, career, romance, art. Those can all be good things. I can't really imagine giving them up. Is that bad? Should I be able to imagine that?
Sometimes, I have such happy moments relating to my schoolwork, and I can't even believe how happy I am that this gets to be my job. Then, I am afraid that I love it too much because it's hard to think of willingly giving it up. Other times, school causes the most worry and distress--and maybe that is related to how much I love it, because I worry that something will make it go away.
The simple life, as Sebastian chooses in the monastery, is actually quite appealing when I idealize it. But I can't choose it just to escape from life--can I? Being in the competitive public sphere is difficult. I want to live a retired, quiet life, but still do the work that makes me happy. I wish I could have it both ways--do the schoolwork without the competition.