Dissapointment
Sometimes I wish the world was perfect...
And I used to act like it was. That is called naivete'.
Here is an example. Last night I was waiting on this jolly old man who had taken his whole family out to dinner. Old men, especially jolly ones, seem to relish being able to display their generosity and use their long worked-for savings. This includes taking particular pleasure in privately tipping the waitress.
There are two problems with this. One is that older gents often still subscribe to a %10 tipping policy, which, though to them generous, just isn't the going rate. Another is that I spent 2 1/2 hours completely devoted to this table; they were taking their time and the restaurant was slow, so I was completely devoted to them and basically only still at work because of them.
I couldn't take the risk, after all that work, of feeling, or being, shortchanged. So I added what's called "automatic gratuity," an 18% tip which is perfectly legal for parties of eight and is spelled out (in fine print) right there on the menu.
The problem with adding gratuity is that I am taking away this old man's pleasure in tipping me. When I handed him the credit card slip that detailed the pre-added tip, he studied it confusedly. I wish the world was perfect. For some reason, lately, I am beginning to accept that it is not. Because of that, I have a plan of how to deal with the inevitable fact that not everyone is, or knows how to be, a good tipper--an insurance policy.
It sounds so cynical. But I think it's better to not be surprised, and to have an action plan for when people disappoint you, then to always be dismayed, flustered and flabbergasted when it happens, with no way to handle it, because oh my, it was such a shock.
In the end, I didn't take away this old man's pleasure, as he did tip me on top of the added gratuity. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised, which is an antidote to my cynicism. But I'll venture to maintain and develop my action plans for what is inevitable--that people will dissapoint you.
And I used to act like it was. That is called naivete'.
Here is an example. Last night I was waiting on this jolly old man who had taken his whole family out to dinner. Old men, especially jolly ones, seem to relish being able to display their generosity and use their long worked-for savings. This includes taking particular pleasure in privately tipping the waitress.
There are two problems with this. One is that older gents often still subscribe to a %10 tipping policy, which, though to them generous, just isn't the going rate. Another is that I spent 2 1/2 hours completely devoted to this table; they were taking their time and the restaurant was slow, so I was completely devoted to them and basically only still at work because of them.
I couldn't take the risk, after all that work, of feeling, or being, shortchanged. So I added what's called "automatic gratuity," an 18% tip which is perfectly legal for parties of eight and is spelled out (in fine print) right there on the menu.
The problem with adding gratuity is that I am taking away this old man's pleasure in tipping me. When I handed him the credit card slip that detailed the pre-added tip, he studied it confusedly. I wish the world was perfect. For some reason, lately, I am beginning to accept that it is not. Because of that, I have a plan of how to deal with the inevitable fact that not everyone is, or knows how to be, a good tipper--an insurance policy.
It sounds so cynical. But I think it's better to not be surprised, and to have an action plan for when people disappoint you, then to always be dismayed, flustered and flabbergasted when it happens, with no way to handle it, because oh my, it was such a shock.
In the end, I didn't take away this old man's pleasure, as he did tip me on top of the added gratuity. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised, which is an antidote to my cynicism. But I'll venture to maintain and develop my action plans for what is inevitable--that people will dissapoint you.
posted by Denise @ 11:08 AM
4 Comments:
At 12:22 PM,
Bro. Tony said…
Generally, Bro. Tony assumes that others (himself included) will disappoint. Then, he can count on being pleasantly surprised when - even in this far less than perfect world - others quite often come through with gracious and self-less giving.
At 1:43 PM,
Angela said…
Is "hoping for the best, while expecting the worst," cynical or just realistic? That's the one I try to go by. Except no matter how much I tell myself not to expect much out of people, situations, and possibilities, that little hope I allow myself always leaves me open to frustration and discouragement when I'm disappointed. Although thinking about it, I'm not completely loyal to this theory, because...it's a little hard to admit this part... since I expect so much out of myself (which often leads to feelings of personal accomplishment, but many times is met with disillusionment, followed by self-examination and attitude readjustments) I almost feel an entitlement to expect much out of others. Is that horrible? I mean, I know I am entitled to nothing, but I get that feeling, you know? And who am I to say they're not trying, or that their efforts don't cut it (although I swear sometimes they really don't try). I don't know, I guess sometimes neither do I. Blah, I apologize for my lack of eloquence, and will sign off, wracked with guilt after having been so candid about one of my ugly bits.
At 2:08 PM,
Denise said…
Angela, don't be sorry, I know exactly what you mean. I even started telling myself "hope for the best, expect the worst" when I was a kid, then sort of tried to give it up. I feel the same way, like people are not trying and I am entitled to more, and like you, I have to remind myself that I'm not (for some reason). But, my question is: is it ok to set high standards for how you want to be treated? If so, what's the best way to convey that to others? How does one avoid getting angry? This is what I'm thinking about a lot lately.
At 12:34 PM,
Angela said…
I think it's absolutely ok to set high standards for how you want to be treated, as long as you're setting the standard for your own words and actions just as high. But just because you've set them, doesn't mean you can demand that others meet them. It is ultimately their choice. Ideally you can acknowledge your disappointment in their choice, and then let that feeling pass before it turns to anger. I must be forgiving, not naive, but forgiving.
Right now, I'm really having to deal with not getting angry. There is a situation between Garett and his sister in which I feel she is being ungrateful and unkind, and every time I think about it I hold it against her. It is not my place to speak to her about it, so it continues to upset me that I can't make her understand how wrong she is, and how it affects her family. I guess in the end it's not so bad to be disappointed. It happens, and it can and will pass just like anything else. And it is truly that other person's problem, not mine, because it is who they choose to be. It's when I hold onto the disappointment, allow it to find a nesting place in me, and nurse that negativity, that it really affects me. And that is my choice. I suppose if I acknowledge that I have allowed myself to feel that anger, I can also release my grip and let it pass.
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